Sippin' on gin and juice.

I'm thoroughly convinced that any type of alcohol is the juice of the devil. As if the devil even drinks juice, that is. But, I can guarantee that if you took a joy ride down to hell, you'd see him guzzling down vodka. Most likely not bud light though, he's too bad ass for that. Also, it takes like dirty gym socks (not that I'd know what dirty gym socks even taste like, but it's what I imagine). I've also been thoroughly convinced that parties and small friend get-togethers are only created to give us the idea that we actually belong. Combine "devil's juice" with the feeling of some type of belonging, and you have some happy drunk bitches.

Combine me with some devils juice, and I'm only buzzed, confused, and smiling dumbly at everyone. Therefore, I'm the babysitter of the drunk bitches. After my experience last night, I'm thinking I could have a successful job as a preschool teacher. Or the leader of an alcohols' anonymous group. However, I'll let that opportunity pass me by. With me only being drunk once before, I wasn't sure what I'd expect as I was driving to the party. By the end of the night, I thought that I had discovered the evolution of drunks:

1. Stumble around the room saying "I'm not drunk, I'm just tipsy"
2. Piss on nearby tree outside.
3. Turn on music and begin dancing crazily.
4. Apologize repeatedly telling the people who aren't drunk how much they mean to you.
5. Piss on nearby tree outside.
7. Blurt out random secret that you probably shouldn't be telling
8, Start sobbing and admit to how much you still love your ex.
10. Threaten to piss on items that are inside.
11. Accuse everyone of hiding the alcohol that in reality, has been gone for hours.
The rest is history.....

Eventually your little preschoolers will agree to go to sleep. That'll be around 3 in the morning though. Maybe I didn't have fun because I wasn't completely shit faced like them, but if I had been, I'd be extremely disappointed in myself. Whether you drink to avoid your problems, or really just enjoy peeing yourself and trying to hit on everyone in the room; surely there are better ways to have fun. Is it hypocritical of me to say this? Of course. But is it true? Definitely.